Exposing cruel and unusual workplaces since 2005.
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Showing 1 - 5 of 12 Tales in "Sales & Marketing".
Tale # 26
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 1294
Dec 6th 2005 Submitted by Anonymous
“The Importance of the Envelope”
A donut I work in an advertising agency, which essentially means that I can go drinking during the day and write it off as "research". A while ago we were pitching a critical campiagn to a BIG client, the biggest client this agency had. Most of our jobs depended upon keeping these guys happy.

So we were talking them through the boring direct mail part of the campaign when we came to the envelope colour. We had recommended orange... they decided that they liked green. We politely explained that the envelope was orange to ensure consistency with all the other elements of the campaign. They insisted that they wanted a green envelope.

Normally we'd stress why orange was important, but in the interests of keeping the client happy, we'd let them get their way. But something strange happened this time....this evolved from a simple debate to a fully fledged argument. Senior art directors presented their case, the creative director spent the next 48 hours in envelope meetings (at $300/hr!), the MD stepped in. All us lowly suits were made to work 20 hour days piecing together all the orange collateral we could collect from the past two years' worth of campaigns. Finally the agency paid for a shrink, who specialised in colour symbolism to present the case for The Orange Envelope.

Eventually we reached a compromise: green outside and orange inside. The client got what they wanted, and we charged them an extra $12,800 in head hours, so the whole thing was worth it. LINK
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Tale # 70
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 321
Feb 7th 2006 Submitted by Anonymous
“Good Ole' Boys Network Live and Kicking”
A donut I was a golden-girl director of a department in a southern conservative corporation until, much to my surprise, a man with no qualifications even near mine was promoted over me to run my department. This was a man I had just a year ago helped "get ahead" and even coached on his salary negotiations. When I asked my boss why he was promoted over me I was told because I had "a bad attitude." When I calmly asked for specific examples none could be provided. One was lamely offered up as a reason but was quickly proved to be incorrect.

Alas, the guy moved up over me and I quietly went about my job of being the one actually running the department when I found out that he had be secretly meeting with one of my employees about splitting the department and giving the younger guy half my employees. The younger guy came and told me about this because he was so upset about it going on behind my back. He and I decided to together to talk to our new boss about it. The new boss then wrote us a threatening and nasty email.

I then met with the HR Director after that to ask for his advice and he questioned my integrity and threatened my employment (mind you, I had a stellar record prior to this). I later found out my new boss and this HR Director were buddies and good friends and had also been talking about this behind my back and my fate was pretty much sealed regardless of what I did. They were both soon promoted to VPs. I soon resigned my position and now I make more money working for myself. LINK
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Tale # 14
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 302
Dec 1st 2005 Submitted by Max
“I Was a Corporate Cuddler”
A donut I was hired fresh out of school by one of the world's biggest computer companies. My sales team's customers were other large corporations, which tended to cough up a multi-million dollar order every three or four years, but in between generate very little revenue.

Our sales reps were all very sharp, driven, well-paid guys: studs, essentially, who wanted to nail a customer for a big order, then get the hell out so they could start looking for the next attractive order.

The last thing the reps wanted was to hang around, making sweet talk, when they'd already got what they wanted. But the customer would be offended if the sales rep immediately rushed off and stopped returning phone calls. That could jeapordize the next big order, a few years down the track.

So my job was to cuddle them. The highly-paid rep would move on to another account, and the customer would be told that I was their new rep. We tried to make it seem like I was a stud sales rep, too, so didn't tell them that I earned a quarter of what the other reps did, split my time between ten times as many accounts, got no commissions, and wasn't really expected to generate big orders. I was there to cuddle them: to hold them, whisper sweet nothings to them, and make them feel cared about. LINK
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Tale # 105
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 281
Apr 8th 2007 Submitted by Steve
“The New Buzzword”
A donut Some co-workers at a Fortune 200 company I used to work for were standing around talking one day about the stupid corporate buzzwords we used to hear at sales and marketing meetings ("synergy" and "zeitgeist" come to mind), when my next door cube neighbor came up with an idea. She and her husband both worked at the company in different departments. She said they wanted to introduce the word "beneful" as a new buzzword and see if it would stick.

In case you don't know, Beneful is the name of a dog food.

So she and her husband started inserting the word into conversations during these meetings. Darned if it didn't work. She said she heard several other people start using it who weren't in on the joke. LINK
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Tale # 103
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 140
Jan 17th 2007 Submitted by Anonymous
“Go for no!”
A donut I worked for a rather large computer seller. After I had been there for a while, they initiated a new training program. Apparently, this is a very well studied method. It was called "Go for no."

Here's the premise of the policy:

A customer is almost 75% more likely to purchase something after saying no more than 5 times.

The new policy was to MAKE SURE the customer says no to EVERY thing you try to sell them AT LEAST 5 times. Needless to say, this resulted in many, many annoyed customers. LINK
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Showing 1 - 5 of 12 Tales in "Sales & Marketing".