DEPARTMENTS

I work for a large locomotive air brake manufacturing company. The department, or rather sub-department, I work in is recieving. It is myself and my compatriots job to remove large crates from the backs of trucks (using a forklift) and then place the items contained therein (typically large chunks of metal weighing from 50-200 pounds) in the appropiate areas, by hand.

I hate my job.

However, for the most part it was bearable and I had a good arrangment with managment. That is until corporate ordered us (and all other repair shops) to institute a "Quality Assurance" program. The little weasel that they hired, was tasked with "assuring quality and safety." Let me explain something to you, my department is located very close to the repair department for pracitcal convenience. No one wants to carry huge brake valves any amount of distance at all. Naturally it is very loud here, taking rusted metal studs and stripped screws out is noisy. My job is dirty and standard safety gloves are required to protect hands but almost always tear and larger gloves inhibit lifting. None of us ever handled tools and thus none of us ever wore safety goggles. This was not a problem prior to the advent of "Quality" Assurance.

Within a week of assuming his lofty position the weasel had stated that we were the most "unsafe" department in the company. As a result I am now required to wear huge leather gloves to protect my delicate skin from scratching on any sharp edges, tiny "one-size-fits-no-one" safety goggles to protect my eyes, and ear plugs that prohibit any and all communication with anyone.

Faced with my new inability to grasp anything (try wearing a large pair of stiff leather gloves and lifting weights), see anything (I wear glasses that do not fit under the goggles and side-shields were deemed "unsafe"), or communicate with my underlings we soldiered on as best we could.

A week later we were criticized for our "falling effeciency level." LINK

I worked for a non-profit company that refurbished computers for resale to underpriveledged familes. The computers were sold for the same price Microsoft charged for software licenses.

Soon after my employment started, I realised I was quite a bit more competent than all their employees. As is my nature, I stepped in and developed efficient new routines for almost all aspects of their business.

Nearing the end of my contract they were so thrilled with my work they wrote a letter saying, "We are blessed to have you in our company." As anyone would be, I was touched.

A few weeks later, they emailed me to say they'd received a CD for Microsoft Office in their mailslot, and asked if I knew anything about it. I didn't have any idea.

A few months later, the new company I was working for did a background check on me and found the non-profit had informed the police that I had defrauded them of their software and stolen from them. They had even submitted a restraining order against me. LINK

I worked for a consultant company but was farmed out to a major client and rarely saw my consultancy colleagues. At one of the few staff meetings I did attend, management was trying to rouse us to get more consultants into our current customers. He said, "We've got to penetrate our clients! We've got to penetrate our clients, more!"

I went back to my client and explained what I had to do to them. Howls of laughter for the rest of the afternoon. LINK

I was recently hired to work overseas as a civilian contractor. My recruiter said I'd make about $100,000.

When I finished the (unpaid) two-week training course, I was told that not only would I be working in war-time Iraq, but the pay was 30% less than I'd been promised.

But the money was still good, so I went through with it. When I got to Iraq, I discovered I didn't work for the original company any more, but rather two subsidiaries removed. Apparently my employer was now a holdings bank in Uzbekistan.

We were required to buy insurance from a major "default" government insurer. This was put to the test when a buddy of mine went on R&R to Thailand and had his appendix rupture. He was flown to Japan for surgery, then home. But the hospital wouldn't accept the insurance without company approval. When he called the regional HR representative (this was at 3 AM), the rep said, "That isn't my job," and hung up.

My supervisor was called in to give a report. When it became known that my buddy had taken a Leave Without Pay (LWOP) instead of R&R (vacation pay), the medic doing the report closed his laptop and said, "Problem solved. If he's LWOP, we aren't responsible." LINK

I worked for a large drugstore chain. Within a month of starting, they offered me a promotion from a $7.50/hour cashier to a $10/hour inventory manager.

The morning I was to begin the new job, the store manager left on vacation without giving me any instruction other than to "get to know the store." Now, I already had a good idea of where everything was, so lacking anything better to do, I spent my time wandering up and down the isles with a scan gun, trying to look busy.

When the manager arrived back, she seemed to assume I knew what I was doing and gave me no direction or goals. Maybe she was distracted, because within two months she quit.

A new manager, a hard-nosed, serious man, arrived. After about a week, he asked exactly what it was that I did around the store. I was at a loss to answer him, since the previous manager had neglected to tell me my job.

He informed me that I couldn't use her as an excuse, since she was gone, and I had a month to "shape up". I still didn't know what I was meant to shape up to. But apparently I didn't do it, because I was shortly called back into the office and told I was returning to my job as cashier. LINK